Operation It’s a Small War After All: Proper Siege Tactics for Assaulting Disney’s Magic Kingdom

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Presented on Quora to the community was the following odd (but brilliant) question:

Cinderella Castle is the the worldwide-recognized icon of the Disney empire. Physical representations of it stand at the center of two Disney Parks: Walt Disney World in Florida (state), and Tokyo Disneyland.

Assuming it were an actual fortress, how would you take it?

Sergeant Jon Davis, USMC, decided to take a crack at an operational plan. Below is the (slightly redacted) plan of attack:

Phase 1:
A ground must be chosen in which you can quickly secure a foothold into the Magic Kingdom. This position must be easily accessible for the invasion force, provide cover and concealment for the troops and give strategic advantage once taken while depriving the enemy of the same.

For this mission, I choose the area outside the tracks, between Tomorrowland and Main Street USA.

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Phase 2
The next phase would be the first two infantry companies sneaking in through the wooded area in the Southeast between Tomorrowland and Mainstreet, USA. Their primary targets are the train station and entrance to the park (to prevent enemy escape or reinforcements.)

Marines and soldiers are advised to not use the teleporters. They’re a trap. They will only kill your unit and replace him with an evil alien.

Also important is that troops remember to take all underground entry points and gas them to prevent surprise attacks from the tunnels.

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Phase 3
Securing Mainstreet USA (now Mike Station) and Tomorrowland (Tango Base): By this point we should be concerned with securing our assets in Mike Station and Tango Base.

You will see in the map below that I have shown the locations of sniper and machine gun teams along the buildings and alleyways in the two operations centers.

The weapons should be made to cover key positions likely to receive any counter attack through likely avenues of approach with overlapping fields of fire and pinpoint targeting by the snipers.

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Phase 4
An assault force comprised of an infantry company staged in Tango base will attack the back of the castle.

The front of the castle is lined with a moat and the counterattack will be an easy matter if they blow the bridge and your men stand helpless staring at the statue of Walt as they are taken out one by one. Go through Fantasyland and attack the castle in the rear.

Secondary Objective: While in Fantasyland we will have the opportunity to take down the menace of all parents everywhere.

The “It’s a Small World” ride will be within our reach. Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice. This isn’t a capture mission like the castle, but one of complete annihilation.

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The Final Phase
Now that the castle’s main attention is on the defenses of its rear the primary invasion force will be ready to take structure.

Infantry staged at the station will now make their way down Mainstreet and secure the statue and the moat. They will then spread out to secure the other zones of the region as they take the castle. Mission accomplished.

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Via Quora.
Also check out Jon Davis’ My Patreon Support Message as well as his Short Stories and Essays in Military, Science Fiction and Life.

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About

I design video games for a living, write fiction, political theory and poetry for personal amusement, and train regularly in Western European 16th century swordwork. On frequent occasion I have been known to hunt for and explore abandoned graveyards, train tunnels and other interesting places wherever I may find them, but there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I am preparing to set off a zombie apocalypse. Nothing that will stand up in court, at least. I use paranthesis with distressing frequency, have a deep passion for history, anthropology and sociological theory, and really, really, really hate mayonnaise. But I wash my hands after the writing. Promise.

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